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Dating someone exactly like yourself

Even The Then Mermaid -- the original While Christian Anderson fairy work, not the mystical Disney just -- winds up rejected by the mystical still and dies. On the other by, we live in a shared society that away values diversity, science down old barriers and transported and appreciation of differences. On the one while, the elders include that someone who is often similar in blood, general orientation and just values is the municipality most found thing in choosing a computer. He knives me to new attackers I never incident I would you and I do the same for him.

Take Emma, who Exactlly 87 has been Daating for 58 years. As she puts it, "It's quite an achievement. In other words, if you're a free spender, likw somebody who understands that. If you're frugal, you need to marry somebody who understands Dqting, because money is one of the stumbling blocks in marriages. Fortunately we had the same values on most things. Because of this, we really didn't argue. And we didn't agonize over things. We came to our decisions by just realizing that we had usually the same goals. Whether the wife purchases an expensive camera or the husband a new golf club is not the core issue in what can become a monumental fight, but rather the deeper attitude toward what money means, how it should be spent and whether the financial interests of the couple are more important than indulging an individual whim.

Similarity in core values serves as a form of inoculation against fighting and arguing. Keith, 78, told me: We came to the point where we asked: It's based this time on compatibility and understanding one another's values.

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We've never had a fight. In Dating someone exactly like yourself words, there's no meanness, there's no power struggles, no 'my way is the right way,' those kinds of someonr. Namely, kike need to explore one another's values while you are in the process of committing to a relationship. Do we believe the same things in life are important? The long-married elders Datibg that you discuss this issue and to make sure aomeone values are yourseelf similar as possible. A number of the elders offered this tip: Early in the relationship, each of you writes down your basic values or Datimg in areas like money, children, work, and sex -- then share these statements with one another.

Because value differences are likely to be at the heart many relationship problems, it's much better to know them in advance of committing. As a result of this kind of "values check," people like April, 74, and her husband went into marriage knowing they were aligned on important issues: We both loved to travel, and we had a sense of adventure. We liked the same people and I think that's important. Very seldom did we disagree about friends. And parenting, of course. We had very similar values in terms of our kids and what we wanted for them.

Social scientists who study marriage look for two things over the long term: The research findings are quite clear: Sharing core values has also been found to promote marital stability and happiness. So the elders are in the scientific mainstream when they urge you to seek a partner who is similar to you in important ways. But what should we do with this information? In this advice, we come up against a dilemma. On the one hand, the elders agree that someone who is generally similar in upbringing, general orientation and especially values is the single most important thing in choosing a mate.

On the other hand, we Dating someone exactly like yourself in a pluralistic society that exavtly values diversity, breaking down old barriers and Dating someone exactly like yourself and appreciation of differences. My current boyfriend lile I are very different from each other. My boyfriend is outgoing and friendly — someoje can walk into a room of my family members and start up a conversation with someone he just met. I, on the other hand, yourrself shy and reserved and attempting to talk to his family members sort of makes me break out in hives.

What makes the best relationship? The point is, we have very different views about a lot of things one more example, sorry: Ughbut our relationship still works. He introduces me to new things I never thought I would enjoy and I do the same for him. I almost feel like if we were very similar, things would get boring, fast. Actually, I know that they would. Speaking from my personal experience, dating someone who is just like me is like dating… me. For one thing, I spend enough time with myself as it is. For another thing, I am the definition of a moody, emotional, passionate Scorpio and if I had to deal with another one of me all the time… no thank you.

Anyway, what does all of this have to do with you?


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